How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
