Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
