she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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