The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
