I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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