I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
