I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
