So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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