I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize