guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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