dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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