Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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