Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
