He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
