Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
