Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The air was thick with penises
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
