woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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