It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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