five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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