My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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