The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
