Don't make out with my wife yet
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
