chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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