omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize