There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
