Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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