How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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