GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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