There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Couch. On fire.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
