Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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