Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
