he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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