You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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