**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
