You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
