i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
