If i come over, it means nothing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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