Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize