my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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