Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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