I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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