I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize