if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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