he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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