So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize