it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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