When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
