We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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