Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
