If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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