help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize