Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
