Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
