her vagine was all disorganized.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
