I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
