i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize