i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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