dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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