The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
