she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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