i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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