What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize