i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
