I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
