Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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