i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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