Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
