you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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