If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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